i'm over it! i decided i couldn't get stuck in that stupid rut anymore. i have too much to do.. too much at stake. it's not worth it. i checked my gmail email for the first time in eternity in school yesterday. and i found so many nice encouraging emails, thank you emails, xmas and new year e cards.. i decided i was wrong.. there are so many many friends out there who do care for me. i decided, that one obstacle on the long journey of life was really nothing. there are still so many friends.. so many bright spots.. like lampposts shining in the night, stars even, flashing in the nightsky.. along my life journey.

sometimes, as humans, we just like looking at the footprints we leave behind us in the sands of time. but this time, i will not dwell on it any longer. the winds will one day blow by the sands, erasing the footprints. time heals all wounds. what matters most to me now, is that i know i did the right thing. i forgive and i forget. i know for sure, that this is exactly what God would want me to do, just as he would do for me. even if others will not forgive or forget, i can. and on my part, i have done that. i already feel like my spirits are lighter. i feel so much better for it. i did the right thing. and i'm glad.

thanks again guys.. and girls =P who have beeen there for me throughout.. clem, royston, josh, josephine, suat, fel and anyone else i could have left out.. you've all been great. without you, i dunno.. haha. i may have said some hurtful things, irritated you or what not in my fits of exasperation or depression.. i apologise sincerely now. and once again, THANK YOU! =)

fond memories, bad experiences, hurt lingers, but it's over and i'm still here! =) [vertical horizon rox! =P]

haha.. nice song courtesy of alex yap! he's changed a lot since i last spoke to him and its all for the better.. such a nice guy now. haha.. sounds lot more intellectual too.. glad we're still in contact! =)

The Middle
by Jimmy Eat World

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head
You feel left out or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away

It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right

Hey, you know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own
So don't buy in, live right now
Yeah, just be yourself
It doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else

It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right

It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head
You feel left out or looked down on
Just do your best, do everything you can
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say

It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right

It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right



haha.. i'm so happy.. Everything will be all right.. indeed.. God sets my paths straight. everything is all right. =)

thanks for the tag cyn.

i'm hanging in there.just.it's tough.

waves upon waves of pain.

physical.mental.emotional.

2 weeks.

headaches.neckaches.stomachaches.sinus.heartache.

a lao shi who still thinks it was a personal attack.still giving me the cold shoulder.

thoughts.feelings.tormenting me.

drained.

school just started. and i want it to end. right now. i want all of it to end. no more. i can't take it. no more.

i'm sorry. nothing was intentional. i'm the kind of person who needs to talk bout things.. who needs to express himself.. who is emotionally dependent and weak..

i've always had a problem with trust. those who know me long enough would know that. its worse than ever before. my insecurity problems have resurfaced with every hurting day. every second that ticks by. it took me an eternity to develop trust in a person. i thought it was a god send. that i was so fortunate. that finally. i had a friend.

no. i don't feel betrayed. i don't feel like i've been wronged. no one is at fault. no one is guilty. but i do feel that i have been misunderstood. that pple don't really know me.

i'm emotional. i'm sensitive. i've cooped up for too long. bottled everything up. i need to talk. but i have no true friends to talk to. no one i can really confide with. maybe its my fault. i can't trust. but how do you expect me to do that when my circle of trust [to quote the movie meet the fockers - to me it just means close true friends] is constantly broken again and again.. i dunno how to deal with shattered friendships.. i really don't..

i'm a man. so what. i cry. i feel. i hurt. all the same. i'm mun. the mugger. the prefect councilor. so what. i still hurt. i still feel the same way anyone else does.

i still care. that's why i'm still hurting. smarting from it all. that's why i can't let go. but how long will this last? think bout that.. i still value you.. the friendship.. for now. feelings fade. as all of us know. i can't help but ask. are you worth it? just as you did. unbelievably, after all the pain, i still think so. coz i believe that it hasn't been the real you. i've been trying to convince myself that you are who i thought you were. that you are just upset bout the whole thing. bout me. but that's ok. i've been guessing for 2 whole weeks already. i've been in the dark. in the shadow. it's okay. it's okay. it really is.

emotionally scarred. insecure. upset. depressed. confused. shattered. broken.

how am i ever supposed to trust again? to befriend again? to love again?