home

Whenever I am feeling low
I look around me and I know
There's a place that will stay within me
Wherever I may choose to go

...

This is home truly, where I know I must be
Where my dreams wait for me, where that river always flows
This is home surely, as my senses tell me
This is where I won't be alone, for this is where I know it's home

it's all a terrible lie. how can you call a place home if you are terrified to return to it everyday. is home a place where you don't utter a single word? is it where you're supposed to feel the lowest? the worst?

i'm scared.

fire and ice

am i who you want me to be?

i'm gonna be 16 next week. and really, that outburst of yours.. i can't get that scream of fustration out of my head. the tears. i understand where you're coming from. your viewpoint.

but i'm of age next week. i can't just keep going on living a lie. cheating myself day in day out. i've tried my best these years to be who you want me to be. to do what you want me to do. but i haven't really got real satisfaction from it all.

its disfuctional really.

i hear your screams and your tears. i cried for an hour before i fell asleep. but this really says it best. the next morning when i woke up, for an instant, i had no recollection of the events of the night before.

its ice cold in here. no more fire.