ST H9

Christmas 2001...


All I can do is pray and have Faith

float away

so small, so insignificant..

its been a long time since i had something nice to blog about. i really wish i have something good to describe, something pleasant to share. but huo4 bu4 dan1 xing2. in school, outside school, its all been pretty dour and well, terrible too.

wish i could just float away on a bed of roses with nice music and good food, a friend who cares and a perfect family.

float away..

The Calling

I've been thinking about you, my love
And all the crazy things that you put me through
Now I'm coming around, throwing it back to you

Were you thinking of me, when you kissed him
Could you taste me when you licked his skin
And all that while I showered you with trust and promises

What I'm needing now is some sweet revenge
To get back all that I lost then
I gave you all I had to give
But I could never reach you

Adrienne, I thought I knew you
Once again, you used me, used me
Adrienne, I should have left you
Long before you used me, used me up

Spent my money, drove my car
I treated you like a shining star
But in my sky all burnt out you are

And I'll have the last laugh
When I see you walking with some other guy
'Cause I know you are gonna end up all alone

So take these words, some good advice
All you've done's gonna come back twice
You never cared how much it hurt
I really need to tell you

Adrienne, I thought I knew you
Once again, you used me, used me
Adrienne, I should have left you
Long before you used me, used me up

What I'm needing now is some sweet revenge
To get back all that I lost then
I gave you all that I had to give
But I could never reach you

Adrienne, I thought I knew you
Once again, you used me, used me
Adrienne, I should have left you
Long before you used me, used me up

You used me

questions and problems

life asks questions of you every day, every moment.

and right now i'm struggling to find the answers.

people think i live a cool rosy life. well, i wish they were right.


i see everything behind that masquerade. behind that calm and collected face. behind those empty words. anxiety, stress, fear. problems.

his problems are her problems, are her problems and are my problems too.

let's just hope we get through this quick and well, not too hurt.

had a bad day again

i woke up showered and all.

went down for breakfast.

shouting. non-stop. for twenty minutes. i chew resolutely at my sandwhich. but eventually, nothing goes down and i stop at less than 50%.

i don't blame her for all the ranting and scolding. i deserve it. but right here, right now, its the last thing i need.

okay that was hours ago.

i just had dinner. she was berating me again. i'm fed up.

ooh and some people's powers of organisation are.. shockingly inadequate. it's causing me undue stress. and as my mom rightly said, you got yourself into all of this. i'm an idiot. i let myself get used to so easily.

had a bad day

first day of term 3.

what's the difference..

more trivial daily rigours of school life. more homework to do. more deadlines to meet.

more worries.

a resignation.

a service learning problem.

animosity. a personal vendetta. totally dumb misunderstanding. that's probably a understatement but so? i don't give a damn what you think and i don't give a damn what you do with your life. i have my own life to live. don't be so egoistic and go thinking that i have nothing to do. i'm not that sad. i don't have to bend so low and snoop in your life. get the idea out of your head. i'm not out to wreak your life. you put yourself in that predicament. that circumstance. you let the suspicions get to you.

whatever you choose to do, good for you.

meanwhile, i'll go about doing what i have to do. and ignoring all the taunts and ridiculous remarks and hilarious facial expressions.

that stupid glass

i'm a pessimist.

the glass is never half full. its always totally empty.

cut

i finally got my hair cut and thinned after six weeks. the longest i've ever gone without a hair cut. but now it's like so terribly short. and thin. ah well, i told her to make it short and i also specifically instructed her to thin it. so oh well. its just.. well too short and too thin. i dunno what i'm gonna do with it now. even my clay can't help me now.