Only One
Yellowcard

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one



Lyrics make so much sense when you think bout them.. Had a tough and exhausting day.. I dunno why i'm so tired.. i've been trying very very hard to prevent myself from falling asleep during lessons. but occasionally i just doze off.. my head will just droop.. then i'll pop straight back up. well.. i really dunno. no time to recharge. just have to keep going.. hope momentum will carry me through.

as if i wasn't dead tired enough, we had hockey physical today. i was doing hw during recess and didn't have time to have lunch after school.. so i went for training in the fricking hot sun having eaten nothing but breakfast which was at 615. resultantly, i had my first true literal experience of the phrase "seeing stars".. you actually do see white lights.. blinking.. flashing.. but nvm. "seeing stars", especially on the track, just reminds me of certain events that occured on 6th December 2004, a monday night. some thousands of kilometres away. but nvm. i got through the physical session.. but my left arm is now unable to function properly.. can't lift anything without feeling a strain. all that arm wrestling during free period obviously did me no good. but golly, i actually grew stronger.. won quite a couple of times..

on a more disturbing note, my mom has been reading my chat logs. again. i was wrong to lie to her. but does that mean she can deprive me of all forms of privacy? sometimes i wonder if she's attempting to live my life for me. as if it's a second chance for her. to do things that she didn't manage to do. i dunno. she needs to let go someday. in fact, i need to let go of some things too. one day.

Think of Me
from the soundtrack of Phantom of the Opera

Think of me,
Think of me fondly,
When we've said goodbye.
Remember me,
Once in a while.
Please promise me you'll try.


When you find
that, once again,
you long
to take your heart back
and be free -
if you ever find a moment
spare a thought
for me ...

We never said
our love
was evergreen,
or as unchanging
as the sea -
but if
you can still
remember,
stop and think
of me ...

Think of all the things
we've shared and seen -
don't think about the things
which might have been ...

Think of me,
think of me waking,
silent and
resigned.

Imagine me,
trying too hard
to put you
from my mind.

Recall those days,
look back
on all those times,
think of the things
we'll never do -
there will
never be
a day, when
I won't think
of you ...

i forgave but i can't forget.

in fact, it's more like, i forgave, that's why i can't forget. life is a pack of lies. even someone i don't know, bernard, lied to me that he was passing-by on my tag board. why is life like that. why i can't i just let go. maybe coz i know deep down you can't either. i dunno. who knows. 16 days. and counting. in these trying times, the stress from school, the pain from training, my mind wanders. searches. seeks something or someone it can find solace in or from. inevitably, as if on auto-pilot, my overly migrained brain wanders in the same direction. can't it just change it's orientation? [not in that perverted way i know some of you guys are thinking]

First in my thoughts, is God. in pain during training, i said a little prayer. then guess what next came to mind? my mom is screaming her head off at me right now. have to shut down. going down to warm up supper for myself. my tummy is repulsive. but i don't care.

quite a kewl poem dedicated to me. so if you don't mind. i shall just post it here.

The Fallen 02
--dedicated to Mun

Who can see his burden?
He on the pinnacle of achievement
To climb so high is to have
So far to fall
A shattered mirror gleams
But cannot be
Regathered once again
Scattered like the seeds that fell
Upon the cobbled path
Never to grow but to be
Devoured

Not to be
To suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
And to think it nobler in the mind
To block it all away
Pavise of mystery
Shields not
Not from caustic laughter
Not from stark derision
Not from our careless lips

He came unto the world
And we received him not
He stretched out his arms
And we loved him not
He sighed in a corner
And we noticed not
To take the veil of opacity
To take a path of ignominy
To take caution at every step
Is that his due?

Foreclosure of a dream
His visions never seen
So watch his stuttering sleep
And know still waters run deep


maybe a tad exxagerated but i appreciate it all the same.


well as for the past couple of days. let's start with friday.

went out to watch phantom of the opera with royston and kevin (my junior).. nice show.. but felt just a bit out of place watching with two other guys =P (no offence to the two of you).. oh and evil royston kept glancing at me to make sure i wasn't crying coz the lyrics were "highly apt to my situation".. o.O well, had fun anyway. don't foresee myself going out very often.. and i'm just glad that i got the chance to attempt to loosen up. first week has been hectic. too many responsibilites.. their catching up with me. really like to thank royston.. he's been with me these few days.. been there to talk and all.. yeah. thanks. i appreciate all you've been as a friend. i really do.

saturday. hmm.. waste away the morning. go out in the afternoon to taka. met jiayan. got my eyes checked and thankfully my degree hasn't increased at all. pretty much plateaued in the last year. but i still got a new pair of specs.. collecting next friday. hmm.. then we had a hockey match at 5. against acjc and some old boys of our school. we actually won 4-3 despite not playing or training for more than 3 months. but i'm still aching from the exertions.. back and hamstrings are killing me. well, congrats to singapore.. 3-1 win.. satisfactory i suppose.. lol.. i think the tiger cup has just blown our expectations way out of proportion.. singapore soccer is still in a mess.. but as they like to say.. dare to dream.. haha

well sunday.. woke up with terrible back ache and still followed my mom to wet market to buy stuff.. what a filial son i am =P only helped to aggravate the injury carrying all that heavy stuff.. anyway.. that afternoon, royston and clem came over.. stole all the songs off royston's phantom of the opera soundtrack =P the two of us were like going.. "what a splendid night.." and singing away in school. haha.. we were surprisingly productive.. finished our geog presenation.. but encountered some problems with physics.. they had fun reading my chat logs. yeah.. that's bout it for sunday.. haha

then today.. what a terrible day. my back, thigh and hamstrings are still hurting.. i hate these niggling injuries.. hockey is terrible for my body. especially since we didn't do proper warm up b4 the match that day. anyway, had prefects' weekly fall-in so had to get up real early then got to school at 655.. as if my physical hurt wasn't irritaing enough, i still had to go on patrol while the whole school was at chapel. did my back no good at all. just when i thought it could get no worse, House AGM for sec 1s was announced to be today directly after chapel. i rush off to venue.. then have to make a speech.. house captain is one redundant and stupid job.. little sec 1s who are not cute are such a pain.. i had to raise my voice and lecture them bout discipline and respect in my first speech.. totally started on the wrong foot.. and the whole thing managed to drag on for 40 minutes meaning i missed half of chem practical.. as if i wasn't clueless enough bout chem.. then after school, hockey.. sigh i don't even want to talk about it.. and i have hockey again tomorrow..

schedule is way too packed.. council meeting tomorrow, hockey tomorrow from 430 to 630!! then bagpipe on wendesday and thursday and hockey physical on thursday too..

waves upon waves of weariness descend on me.. in fact, come crashing down on me. to make things worst, i had migraine in class today.. slept for 2 hours in class.. right at the front too.. thankfully it was jason chan's class.. the guy didn't say a thing.. the shadow of sickness slowly but surely edges towards me..

anyway, on a happier note, i really liked this song! =) jay chou again..

Jian Dan Ai

and this one too...

Kai Bu Liao Kou