blood

the river of life, coursing through your veins. today, it was leaking non stop from my mouth >.< woke up in the morning, cleared my throat while washing up and out came a globule of blood. my lips have been bleeding non-stop all day too. i hate the taste of blood.

but for once, today i actually feel good. i watered the plants and i washed the dishes and i made a whole lot of sandwiches which are now sitting in the fridge, ready for me to eat for breakfast tmr and as snack any time in the day. wahaha. i need to drink more water. blood tastes horrible. i'm sweating. the air con! oh no. bye bye.

that's just me

i thought about it today while muching on a nice tasty blood red strawberry. i'm a loner. was born one. still am one. what happened over the past year is perhaps best described as a forced attempt at changing my lifestyle. a failed attempt at that. i'm uncomfortable around strangers, calculated, cautious. i think too much. i think before i say anything, before i do anything. and everyone is a stranger, until i change. and it hasn't happened. pple say its male pride. partially i would say. the other part, would be the fact that i don't want to hurt pple with what i say, disappoint others with what i do.

expectations. great expectations. this life is a pressure cooker. one mistake, perhaps it'll just explode into smithereens. the higher you fly, the more painful the fall. and there's bound to be a fall. sooner or later. you can't stay up there forever. sometimes, i wonder if i could just fall on purporse, so i get the chance to start from scratch again. but well, i think, my ego, my male pride gets to me. it spurs me on. it refuses to let me let myself down.

but even as i type, i can feel that formerly powerful life force, that motor that drived me, i feel it dissipating, puncturing like a balloon. i hear the rev of the engine winding down gradually.

need something to kickstart it again. and the scary part, is that i know it can only come from within me, not from you, not from anywhere else, not from my mom. that's just me.


You think that I will change
But you know that will never be
I'm just that way and that's just me
Well it's just the way I am
And I am doing all I can
Why can't you see I just can't change
Well I could care less what you see
I'm just nevertheless here for me

You're always getting what you want But you still keep looking
I guess you're just never getting what you need
With your eyes wide open
You still keep looking for your dream
That's just me

joy joy

can't believe i just watched madagascar. and can't believe i watched it with josh too hahahaha. was quite funny. i suppose. but i doubt singaporeans would understand some really american jokes. i mean, how many singaporeans actually know who or what the new york giants are lol. eli manning? ring a bell? no. see? haha. nvm.

rmun briefing was pretty lame. and after all that they didn't have my feedback and rubrics for my policy statement. and for a whole host of other ecosoc delegates too. -.- now i shall have to wait while they email it to me. soon. hopefully.

chem tuition later at 5.30 >.< i wanna go out!! with friends! [no offence josh, but you're so nice and guai it's not as fun going out with you 0=)]

hehe. anyway, i think i shall go take a nap.

evening strolls

there wasn't even a hint of a breeze. but it was enjoyable all the same. quality time to talk with my dad. walked all the way to jelita and back. nice way to let out some steam too. you know? sweat? haha.. okay lame. no wait, i just came back from a walk. so i can't be lame.

ah anyway lol. i'm especially cheery now. for reasons i shall keep to myself.

of non-sunny sundays

first time i'm using my desktop in 3 days. i think i'm beginning to like that laptop.

i really hate the rain. actually, i just hate getting wet because of the rain.

was at bras basah for lunch and to get some books and stuff.. and some idiot threw a plastic gun down from upstairs which landed just about less than half a meter away from my feet. -.-

went for bookfair at suntec. and bought.. an unseemly number of books. finally got my tian long ba bu series. i just love wu xia xiao shuo. oh and i subscribed to economist and newsweek for a year. oh and i also bought a book called mei li xin shi jie.. but it's in fan ti zi, ah well.. i'm determined to work through it.

had a decent dinner at marche. then went shopping around suntec. saw trixie. didn't buy much.. my sis did though.. i'm thinking like since i'm going to hong kong in two weeks time or so i might as well get my stuff there. oh oh and thanks aunty betty! the billabong t-shirt is real nice. i love sky blue (:

oh and my horrible holidays (hols my foot) just started. just had chem tuition. which i will like be having 4 times a week maybe? my mom wants it every possible day coz this crazy teacher is fully booked for the next two years and so can only teach me during the hols >.< oh and i have english tuition this afternoon -.- to prepare me for my english O levels. i dunno what got to my head, signing up for english Os. i haven't done a comprehension or summary in like what, 2 years?

ah well.

So you lost yourself
So you lost your way
Found life through someone else
But you threw it all away